When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
