connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Two words: blizzard sex
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
