i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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