My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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