you would pick up someone in the library
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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