and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
