Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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