How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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