Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
