Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
