Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
