i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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