don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
