She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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