I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
