All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
