Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
