My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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