I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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