she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
