This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
