addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My day in three words: secret purse cake
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
