Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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