I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
