Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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