He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
