How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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