i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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