On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
