Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
