All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This house was built for laser tag.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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