Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
