Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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