Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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