I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
where am i from again
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
