A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
