Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
