just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Randomize
