it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
