Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
