Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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