Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
