The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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