Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
