I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This baby is an asshole
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
