my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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