I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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