I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
