I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Michael Bay diarrhea
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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