The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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