Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
