If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
